


Missile Toe

by MistyBeethoven



Series: Strange Couchfellows [25]
Category: John Wick (Movies)
Genre: Christmas, Christmas Eve, Christmas Presents, Christmas Special, Christmas Tree, Crossdressing, Dogs, Explosions, Fanboys - Freeform, Gen, Lizards, Mistletoe, Secret Identity, Secret Relationship, Sushi, missiles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-25
Updated: 2019-12-25
Packaged: 2021-02-25 22:41:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,860
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21683122
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MistyBeethoven/pseuds/MistyBeethoven
Summary: John Wick and the Administrator celebrate their first Christmas together. However, an impromptu trip to Zero's sushi stand brings about an awkward situation for the two roommates.
Relationships: Administrator & John Wick, Administrator & John Wick's Unnamed Dog, Administrator & Zero (John Wick), Helen Wick/John Wick, John Wick & John Wick's Unnamed Dog, John Wick & Zero
Series: Strange Couchfellows [25]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1374988
Comments: 4
Kudos: 11





	Missile Toe

**Author's Note:**

  * For [SerenitySniper](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SerenitySniper/gifts).



> For the lovely I_Love_Oswald_Cobblepot! I know that Christmas was yesterday for you but I hope that you will still enjoy this! You are such a beautiful and wonderful person! Thank you so much for everything! :D <3
> 
> A very Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to everybody! God bless you all! :D <3

The Administrator not not spent a Christmas that had not been lonely in a very long time. He had also not had a Christmas tree and could not help but ask John Wick what the green and foresty thing he was carrying into the apartment one day in December was.

"A Christmas tree," Wick had answered after sticking it in the corner where once a tarantula ridden cactus had stood.

"You _bought_ a Christmas tree?" the bureaucrat had asked in both awe and disapproval, fearing it looked expensive and may have termites.

"No," John said flatly as he came to sit down on the sofa next to the High Table servant. "I took it off the hands of a Norwegian assassin."

John Wick did not mention that the assassin had been trying to murder him with the overgrown plant nor that he had literally taken it off of the man's hands by removing the Norwegian's own limbs at the same time. He hated to worry his analy retentive roommate with such trivial matters that he would no doubt have to stamp the paperwork concerning when he went to the office anyway.

One should never bring their work home with them, Wick understood.

Having not had a Christmas tree in a while, needless to say, the Administrator did not have any ornaments either and over the next day or two, the pierced man watched in the same awe and disapproval which had claimed him when he had first seen the green thing as John carefully decorated the piece of Norwegian wood with various items from around the apartment. Paper clips, socks, bullets and toilet paper all found there way onto the Christmas tree. Once the Administrator watched in fascination as Wick strung together potato chips (they were out of popcorn) and hung it carefully on the tree.

Toby, the iguana, climbed into the branches and declared the tree his new home while John Wick's dog dutifully kept it watered by lifting a leg.

The final touch came, however, when John Wick placed a styrofoam cup on the top of it. The Administrator came to stand by the assassin's side as he took a closer look. There was a face lovingly (all be it poorly) drawn on a ping pong ball meant to be a head. It also had brown yarn intended to be hair and feathers from off of a duster intended to be wings.

"It's an angel!" the Administrator exclaimed as he realized what the pitiful thing was supposed to be.

"It's _Helen_ ," John Wick said staring at his makeshift angel in adoration.

That Wick had made an angel to represent his dead wife for the top of the Christmas tree wasn't surprising, knowing how much she had meant to the assassin. What surprised the Administrator was that he was suddenly moved by John Wick's actions.

He was also shocked at what a crappy craftsman the man turned out to be. It was a good thing John Wick could kill a person with a single pencil, the Administrator thought: He certainly could not draw with one.

"What did Helen look like?" the bureaucrat asked doubting it was a ping pong ball which had been scribbled on.

"An awfully like Erin Reagan on Blue Bloods," John answered with tears in his small, brown eyes.

Staring at his companion looking up at the angel, the Administrator found himself feeling very odd and akin to what the Grinch must have suffered when he had heard singing coming from Whoville. Chastising himself for letting sentiment intrude on his coal black heart, the small man returned to his sofa, leaving Wick to adore his lost angel alone.

* * *

"What's that?" John Wick asked as he spotted a box under the tree the day before Christmas.

"It's your fucking present, John Wick," the Administrator spat as he tried to stay focused on the television set.

Sitting beside the much smaller man, the Baba Yaga looked at him in shock. "I didn't know we were exchanging gifts."

"We're not," the bureaucrat insisted. "I don't want too much evidence. I saw that, I thought of you, end of story."

John Wick sat in silence on the couch, a hand on each knee and staring ahead in consternation. Seeing the look of concern etched on the dreaded assassin's face the Administrator sighed wearily and asked him what was wrong.

"I just remembered that I told Zero to make lots of sushi for a Christmas party I'm not having," came Wick's unexpected answer.

"And this bothers you _because_?"the Administrator asked in confusion. It was a well known fact that Zero was John Wick's #1 fanboy and a source of constant irritation to the hitman.

"I lied," John replied.

"So?"

"Santa Claus won't bring me anything," Wick stated sadly, his consternation being traded for downright depression.

The Administrator rolled his eyes and turned off the TV. "John, I hate to tell you this but there is no Santa. And even if there was killing about 300 people in the last year alone would safely insure that you are on his naughty list."

This bit of news made John Wick go from depressed to suicidal. Feeling horrible and worthy of the naughty list himself, the Administrator sighed and got to his feet. "Do you still have Mrs. Milner's dress?" the pierced man asked.

"Yes," John Wick said looking up in concern. "Do you think I'll get in trouble for not returning it too?"

Once more, the bureaucrat rolled the eyes behind his thin spectacles. Although Wick was the one in distress he knew that he would soon be in it also.

Or rather, in "dis dress."

* * *

Zero's sushi bar was relatively vacant when John Wick and the Administrator pulled up to it in the van they had hotwired: surely another point to warrent Santa's disfavor.

Walking towards the sushi bar, both men watched as the bar's owner's eyes widened. "Hey _John_!" he said cheerfully. "I was afraid you weren't going to show! Santa doesn't visit liars, you know."

"See," Wick said, turning to the bureaucrat.

"Who's _that_?" Zero asked looking at the short person with jealousy and suspicion.

"My date," John proclaimed proudly as he put an arm around his roommate.

"Just give us the fucking rice," the Administrator snarled.

The chef stared at the disguised High Table servant a little too long. "You look familiar," he stated with the raising of a brow.

John Wick reached into his pocket, his hand grabbing his gun as the short man shifted uneasily in his arms and in his 6 inch heels.

"Didn't you used to date one of my underlings?" Zero finally asked. "She's a tramp, John: dump her."

The Administrator exhaled deeply and John let go of his weapon. "I did not," the bureaucrat answered. "I just must have one of those faces.

The sushi chef did not look convinced but started to bring out tray after tray of sushi anyway. John and his roommate proceeded in rushing it all to their stolen vehicle as fast as their legs (and one pair of heels) could take them.

On the final tray, this one John alone carrying, Zero stopped them both before they could make a getaway. "Hey _John_ ," the fanboy stated.

"What?" the hitman demanded.

"Look above you," Zero instructed.

In unison, John Wick and the Administrator looked up above the sushi bar to see the piece of mistletoe dangling above their heads. They both turned as green as the Grinch, and synchronized their subsequent gulps as well, as they glanced at one another before looking away.

"Aren't you going to kiss your date, _John_ ," the chef hissed threateningly. "If that's who _she_ really is."

John Wick and the Administrator turned to look at each other again. They were aware of Zero's eyes upon them. Slowly they started to move their faces closer to one another, hating what they had to do.

The Administrator suddenly thought he heard some odd sound: high and growing louder. The pierced man felt strong hands on his shoulders as the high sound grew even louder and John Wick shouted,

"GET DOWN!"

The Administrator felt the weight of the assassin's sturdy body land on him as he opened his eyes to see Zero's sushi stand hit by a speeding and incoming missile. It completely demolished the place, leaving it only a pile of rubble.

Getting to their feet, the assassin and the bureaucrat stood and stared down in astonishment at the remains of the stand. Suddenly a hand popped out of the debris and gave a little wave.

"It's okay, _John_ ," Zero stated in a wavering voice. "I'm okay. You go and enjoy your date...and have a merry Christmas."

Forming an okay sign, Zero's arm flopped down as he lost consciousness.

John Wick and the Administrator looked up above their heads to see that the mistletoe had been obliterated too. They looked at each other again in relief.

The assassin and the bureaucrat walked back to the stolen car.

* * *

Back at the apartment, the two men tried to eat as much sushi as they possibly could without throwing up. To help in this endeavor, the Administrator found himself downing it with a little too much sake.

"You're drunk," John Wick stated as watched his roommate, now back in his office uniform, took another swig from the bottle clasped tightly in his hand.

"That I may be," the Administrator agreed with a tinge of solemn defiance. "But it's twelve twenty AM Christmas _Day_ and you should open your present."

The assassin looked at the clock on the mantel; Seeing that the bureaucrat was correct, he walked towards the tree and gently ushered Dog aside to grab the box wrapped in red paper and brandishing a large gold bow. To his joy, his canine had not as of yet Christened the present. Toby peeked out from a branch to see what was going on but then quickly retreated upon seeing it was only his owner's companion.

"Open it," the Administrator said, stifling a hiccup.

John glanced at the bespectacled, inebriated man before ripping into the box. In shock and wonder, the hitman lifted the item out of the box. In his hands he held a glass ornament designed to sit on the top of a Christmas tree; it was an angel.

More importantly, it was Helen.

"You just _saw_ this and thought of me?" John Wick asked turning to meet the Administrator's eyes.

"I lied," the bureaucrat revealed. "I had it made just for _you_ John Wick. I guess, that means Santa Claus isn't going to bring me anything...but I've never believed in him that much anyway so it's okay."

Tears flooded the assassin's eyes as he looked at the ornament and then back at the little bureaucrat. "It's my first Christmas without her," the hitman confessed in grief.

"I _know_ ," the Administrator stated and there was genuine pity in his voice. "But merry Christmas anyway."

"Merry Christmas," John managed to return past the lump, which was not coal, in his throat as he hugged the angel that looked like his dead wife closely to his heart.


End file.
